Thursday, March 31, 2011

We were meant to be somebody.

 Well today was CRAP. In my culinary class this girl kept asking me so many freaking questions and i was trying to make a cake and do rolls at the same time what's fuck.Me and my mom got into a huge fight were still not talking and its been 3 hours, it wasn't just auguring it lead to more but lets not go into that... :/ I feel that only one person really understands how hard this is. The last two years have been the hardest losing best friends gain friends an emotional roller coaster really.. I'm not going to lie i thought about cutting alot and how good it would feel... I don't to go back i didn't eat dinner and I was counting calories shit this is bad  danger zone. This could be the day you change your whole life or even the world one step at a time will get you father then big steps! How do you do that, when you want to kill your self or cut go for a walk go for a run take Ur pet with you, just keep your mind busy without thinking about the bad. Listen to music it helps! I can only say keep your head up EAT SOMETHING, feel good about life put your past behind you, you need to  move past that and start to live your life. Please dont do anything "stupid"
-Kate P-

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I can see your halo & its glowing.

Dear peers,
   I know I haven't been blogging in over a week. I'm sorry I've been super busy with school, my job & trying to get close to my family again.I hope you all are doing well.I know im doing alright... I wanted to say that you are all beautiful! Not everyone is going to think so. But everyone has their own opinion and most certianly you can't please everyone so do what you want stay away from the bad influence, hang out with people who can HELP you not bring you down more.... So me and my dad finally hung out it was so nice we went to lunch then did some stuff we just went to the post office to send my friend her package which costed SOOO much fricken money but its worth it.When i look back on my life i relize that i became a strong person going through all this crap,  I would not change who I am now no matter what YOU think i dont care... You have to learn to live life to the fullest because before you know it, it could be over so what i'm saying is focus on the positive not that negitive it will feel so much better not letting every little thing get you down.. There's a reason that you were put on this earth and its sure as hell not to be down all the time... I'm still gonna go to consuling because when a bad day does come it might be....bad i dont know i want to keep this good mood up. Dont put on a fake smile put on a real one. I could give you 10 reason why you should smileee. Cutting, Drugs, starvation, Throwing up, putting ur self down, suicide.... NOT WORTH it people are here. Everyone is going through something they may look super happy...but could be the tottaly oppoiste.. If you see someone at school or on the street dont be so quick to judge them because of their weight they may be starving them selfs and lost 20 pounds or cutting them selfs because they think no one will ever love them and they think they are a stupid ugly peice of shit that isnt going to be anything in this world... i lost over 15 pounds starving my self and someone called me "fat" and just made me NOT want to eat..
The words that would go through my head;;
stupid, ugly, fat worthless, failure, kill ur self  you suck, cut your self it makes you feel better, you DESERVE to feel this way..
But now i dont feel like a failure or that i should kill/ cut myself and NO ONE deserves to feel that way..

- Kate P.-
P.S;; pretty pretty please dont you ever feel like youre nothing you are perfect!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

One of those days

Dear ladies and gentilmen;
  Today is just one of those bad days where you want to give up. But you can't give up. Heads must be held high at all times. Missing my grandma alot R.I.P </3. I'm not going to get down on my self for the little things. I know I will acheive great things and i hope you feel the same if not.. Then take these few words.. Keep working and giving 2000% even if its hard. I know I have to try two times harder than everyone at school, study twice as hard  and yes it is hard to the point i feel like giving up.. But I don't give up, I may shead a tear or two but i dont give up. If you want to be the best you can be you have to keep trying even know it may see like the end of the world(which its not). Today at school I was trying so hard. I don't know if this is the same for you if so then I UNDERSTAND! A book you should read if you are going through depression, cutting, parents divroce, losing a best friend or even annorexia is WINTER GIRLS by laurie hasle anderson. it will make you relize the dangers of cutting & annorexia. It about a high school student named Lia she goes to a mental hospital  a place for troubled teenagers, she gets out of there and is doing alot better until her friend Cassie died :x.. Then she was in the danger zone again. Which is her body weight of 98 pounds and going down.. She counts her calories and eats 800 or less. Her divorced parents think everything is fine but its not... READ THE BOOK TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENDS! Anyways keep your head up and don't forget you are something & beautiful inside and out. :) <3
A former Lia
-Kate P-
P.S Youre beautiful.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Living life

Dearest bloggers & bloggies;
I hope everything is well. School sucked but what can you say its school. People are over dramatic and too involved in other peoples business. THERE  are a lot of nice people in my town OVER DRAMATIC SELFISH PEOPLE IN MY TOWN! i keep telling my self one more year. CANT WAIT TO GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE! The guy i like is going to talk to my parents and try and get there approval i hope everything goes well fingers are crossed! Been listening to glee music for the last hour.. Life without music is nothing. One of my really good friends moved on friday... i miss her a lot. 
Anyways i hope everyone is well. I don't really know what to write today. But i'm just going to drill this in your head your are somebody in this big old world. A door is opened everyday keep doing what you love and stay excellent. My wishes, and prayers are going out to you tonight. We all need somebody to lean on.. It might be your teacher best friend close friend.
Good night, Good morning, or even good after noon world!<3
Lots of love
-Kate P-

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Strong 'till you break.

First I want to say happy late S.t Patricks Day,I haven't been "blogging" in a few days but many things have happened that are almost pushing me back into my old habits , but I am trying to sike my self out of it, and its starting to work... kinda.Alot of good stuff has happened lately too though.. Lets focus on those. :)

2) These last few days have been an emotional roller coaster. Here's the thing my mom doesn't like the guy I am see but i actually really like him  love him still. My mom doesn't understand where I am coming from he's not a bad guy. He's really nice, thoughtful would never do anything to hurt me & actually cares about me unlike some guys who just want sex etc, I just want to be with him with out having to be secretive about it. I told my mom i was going to dinner with him and she flipped out SERIOUSLY!!!??? there was no reason for that MOTHER! I'm miserable when I'm not with him so I'm going to secretively keep seeing him. I'm almost 18 i think i can make my own decisions and if it breaks me then oh well its my fault! ANYWAYS lets focus on the good now.

1) I got my prom dress woohoo & Starbucks=<33!
1,1/2) It was finally nice out 60 degrees to be exact (:
2) We are figuring out my stomach problems
3) Have met some cool people!
4) 3 day weekend!
5)Saw my nieces and nefues

All little advice:;

Keep your head up no matter how bad  the situation maybe even if you are running out of $ for your rent, being abused or even just having drama with your friends, things will get better if you don't always look at the negative i know its easier said than done but you really should start.Start doing something you love. I love cooking and helping people. Find something YOU love not your boyfriend/ girlfriend, not your mom, dad, guardian, and always go with your heart. You will achieve many great things if you can listen to your heart and do what you love to do.I've gone through a lot.. and you CAN do it. Suicide and cutting your self are NOT they answers.. when you cut your self you aren't hurting just your self but the people around you. When you kill your self you are putting your family & friends through alot you cant just give up like that, when you have the razor, scissors or whatever in your hand just think that if you do this they are all going to be sad no one wants to see you like this NOT even if you think they don't care. Everybody takes everything differently but you have to learn just to get over the bump in the road.


-Kate P-
You are worth something & life is a challenge but we all can be something in this world -listen to this true lyrics.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Having a friends in & from a diffrent country.

Dearest Friends;1)
3 years without you</3
My friend Lina Hwnag lived in Korea before she came to the states and  moved to Canada in 8th grade. We were best friends and i haven't seen her in 3 years and we always plan to see each other but something always gets in the way. i cryed so hard when she's moved. She still means a lot to me and we still talk from time to time but its not the same. When i get out of high school I plan to go see her. If you are reading this I MISS YOU!<3

miss & love you chick!
My close friend Natasha Brower is in Argentina on exchange. She's been there for 6 months.she had helped me though so much and shes not even here.  Ironic how that work. I am sooo soo happy that i met you.She is an amazing person and would do anything for anyone. I miss u chick. Can't wait until you come back. I am also happy for her that she is having such a good time there and kind of jealous! But that's besides the point i feel as I've known you all my life.. but only for a short time i can trust you with ANYTHING & EVERYTHING.Thank you for everything i really appreciate it & you.

So glad i met you!
 Hosting an excahange student from Germany HOW COOL:) Pia Horst! I didn't know her very well but i asked her if she still needed a host family anyways.. It's pretty cool to host a person from another country. You learn a lot about their country and also learn about them as a person.She is like my best friend now we have gotten so close in such a little time. If you have the chance to be a host family you really should. Although its going to be really hard when she leaves. But i am going to enjoy the time being. :)

Love your dearest friend;
Kate P

Stay excellent  
and remember your beauty shines not through your looks but your personality

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Be strong.

Dear world;
yes this is a real cut that was on my arm!
For  all you people who are having a tough time with  your life always remember god is always with you. I recently just got over the bump in the road and as the song firework says "after a hurricane comes a rainbow" it may not seem it at the time being but you can always get through it even know its hard.You can either make or break you, you decide if you're going to have a good life or bad one.If you need to talk to someone i highly recommend to see a therapist.It helps a lot,just getting things off your chest always feels good. If you are thinking about killing your self its really not worth it, even  if your having a hard time with the rent,friends,family,whatever it maybe suicide is NOT the answer either is cutting trust me i use to cut 7 times i did it, now that i look back its not worth the scars they are so ugly , it may seem it at the time but remind your self you're worth something to someone. I have never been good at thinking positivity but i have learned that if you want to be happy in life that's a thing you Have to do no matter how hard you think it maybe. I use to count  my calories every day so i would eat a normal amount  about 1000 calories less than i should i knew i had a problem and tryed to each more but i gained a pound and thought oh my gosh "I'm getting so fat" and so i went back to my old habits such as not eat.Now that this "evil depression" is over i can actually feel free i feel like nothing was worth what i did i wish i could take it back. i hurt so many people that were close to me.  People come and they go that's what you have to remember they come in your life for a reason to serve a purpose and when they purpose is served they either move or  well lets not go there.
Wake up in the morning tell your self you ARE pretty you ARE skinny you ARE NOT a failure what ever the bad thoughts maybe tell your self the opposite. When i wake up in the morning i look in the mirror and tell my self I'm worth something i can do whatever i want if i put my mind to it etc

Sincerely a person who understands
Kate P.

P.S. :: you are perfect!