Recovery is a daily battle!

hello :) ; 
school is finally out for the summmmerrr! Things have been going GREAT, and I can say that truthful and honest. I have the best of friends they have helped me through so much and I really appreciate all of it.
Hard work must pay off because i've been working so hard to get rid of this depression and guess what its gone.*knock on wood*! I have over come anorexia I totally kicked its ass. Just eating a little at a time and working your way up. I am me, and im proud of it. I believe that I'm NOT fat unlike what i was saying like a month ago, i haven't cut in two weeks. But the total number of cuts 26. Total number of weight loss 33. No I'm not proud of doing either of these things, especially the cutting! The anorexia was so tiring and a struggle each day to NOT eat so i gave up not eating and wanted to find my self again which i have and it feels really good to know who I am. I started to find new places for the cuts and then i realized i needed to stop not only was i effecting my health,but also making people scared.. never gonna happen again. I realize that all the time wasted on these thoughts and etc were definitely NOT worth my time. although my grades were up and down because of this im just glad i passed everything. You can do whatever you set your mind to i know that sounds like a cliche but it is definitely the straight out truth.put the past behind you and you gotta move on even know that sounds extremely difficultt its not.
:)) 
STAY STRONG. 
Know that you are loved and cared about even if you think you aren't.
-KATE P-
P.S- prove to YOURSELF you CANN do it:)

To wirte love on her arms

Hello there;
Haven't blogged in like 2 months. Well where to start. I cut 19 times in total. Lost 30+ pounds and not the healthy way either. I appreciate my friends they have helped me with soo much & also are my life support.I've learned somethings the last two months, that i want you to take from reading this blog even if you arent going its good to know why people cut etc. My parents noticed I was cutting when I reached to open the fridge door and asked what it was, I told them it happened at boces,which is where you can go to get a "head start" on the career you want to do and get the basic info and techniques, anyways they asked me every once in a while and i said the same thing every time i decided i need to get help, only because of my friend NATASHA.  People need to learn that people dont cut because they want to kill them selfs but accidents do happen, but they do it because they need some sort of release and don't know how else to deal with it so they turn to cutting, and its like a "vicious cycle" you feel great for a mintue then after you feel soo low. The dangers in cutting are obvious,such as losing too much blood or even just getting an infection. But there is also an emotional risk behind it. Some people say that cutting is "addicting". The bodies endorphins are raging when you cut. There are out lets instead of cutting. Such as snapping your self with a rubber band, panting, working out, writing, drawing anything to get your mind off it. This is my outlet, whenever i feel like i want to i just write a blog but haven't had time in the last few months.

People may cut themselves on their wrists, arms, legs, or bellies. Some people self-injure by burning their skin with the end of a cigarette or lighted match.

When cuts or burns heal, they often leave scars or marks. People who injure themselves usually hide the cuts and marks and sometimes no one else knows.

Anorexia- is a SERIOUS eating disorder which can cause you to lose weight fast, with self starvation or  being malnourished. 

If you think you may have this go see a doctor or tell someone right away. Do you really want to become sick and be in a hospital almost dead. THINK about the people who care about you, think how they feel. The doctors will be feeding you through a tube or you will be in the city morgue. 

YOU NEED TO TAKE SOMETHING OUT OF THIS IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO HAS ANY OF THESE TELL A TEACHER OR COUNSELOR ASAP. Suicide is not the answer to your problem you can get help. dont run away from them you have the whole rest of your life to live dont miss out on seeing the world or whatever your plans are.

Stay strong!!!!!

-Kate P-

A little bit stronger

Hello
Well lately things have been just going down hill ive been cutting but figured I'm going to get a tattoo like Demi lavato "stay strong" my wrists or feet not sure yet! But I've cut 4 times in the last week... I need help and lots and lots of it... I haven't been really eating either I've been lying and saying I have been an last night was so bad It almost went TOO far..I want this all over with & don't know how much more bull shit I can take..been also having really bad dreams an my anxiety level is high as crap.the only good day I've had was Saturday night when my good friend Megan spent the night.most fun I've had in a while actually.

Advice;
Stay strong & don't let your head down, keep it up and you can be somebody in this world.
You are worth something to somebody out there even though it may not seem it at the time there are peole who care about you.
That's it for noww
*Kate P*

Running,running and more running

Well,, 
 I haven't been eat a lot lately... maybe 1000 calories or less.. & when I gain weight i eat even less even if its just a pound. After i eat i always feel guilty that i ate this probably isn't good..I've been working out hard core to the point where I'm dripping with sweat.. & that's all i ever want to do. Things at home are alright i guess.. except we just got flooded.. There was probably 2 feet of water outside of my house & in our basement! i really want to cut but im trying soo hard not to.
Good things;
When I was going to take pills I didnt take them i threw them away because I said to my self  "This isn't worth it you're throwing your life away" so instead of throwing my life away i threw the pills away.


Haven't cut or anything in 3 weeks - a month not quite sure.
 WENT ON A DATE! :) It was so much fun. The most I've had in  a while. We saw a 3D movie my first "real 3D" movie, was pretty awesome & went to the mall :)
That's about it for the good


Bad Things;


Feeling guilty about eating
Wanting / thinking about cutting & suicide. 
Pushing a few people away.
Doing more than 6 pills at once (before i threw away)
Wanting to give up, but know I can't do that to people

Long time no blog.

Heyyy there, 
Well were are back to the old habits...JUST GREAT.  I wish there was some way this could all stop for a moment in time just to feel happy for a day would be awesome!i just want to feel "normal" whatever that is.Counting calories, being depressed all this bull shit is so exhausting & anxiety comes along with it.. how fun.. I'm still going to consoling and me and my mom aren't getting along that well. There's not really much else to say oh yeah got called "shallow" for not putting up with any one's shit.. interesting.I should have listened to my mom. Go figure.We just got off of spring break and my anxiety is acting up really bad this week.Depression,anxiety, and an eating disorder cool. 
But advice time;
Dont put your heart out there unless you know they aren't going to hurt you.. just live dont be like me all depressed and crap 
Kate P

My true hero:)

Hello there this is not about me today but about my closest friend Natasha that is thousand of miles away as still there for me!(:

Thank you so much for everything i love you chick!. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her. You have made such a HUGE impact on my life and don't know where or what i would have done... You give me the strength to carry on knowing that suicide isn't worth it & I can be somebody someday. When I'm sad I know  i can count on you to be there always. I really appreciate it and don't know how i can ever re-pay you, it means so much because, people in the past always said "oh yeah I'm here for you" but when i needed them most they put their problems on me or just didn't care.. You're the only one i can really trust to tell anything and everything to no matter what. You helped me understand where I'm going in this great old world.. & helped me when I was all ALONE.. & I promise YOU that I'm always here for you no matter how small of the problem..I've always been afraid to trust anyone or tell anyone 'till i told you & knew that i could tell you anything... You are truly an amazing person & big hearted person.. Don't let anyone tell you differently you're going to be something great in the world and touch many peoples life's. The smallest things always count the most.. this song definitely reminds me of you; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rqsltr5vsE :) -Kate P-

& I get a little bit stronger

Hello, 
Well its Friday Friday gotta get down on Friday.. PARTYIN' PARTYIN' YEAH FUN FUN FUN FUUNN!
 Well me & that guy "broke it off" because he lied to me about going to a  dance with a girl and I even asked him "heard you went..." & he said yeah with my friend Gavin, but was his friend gabby. Then he called me shallow because i broke up with him cold hearted person.. Shows his true colors.. So anyways that didn't make me feel any better about my self. But I can't give up... For all of you who think you need to kill yourself you DONT its not worth the pain of your friends and family put your feet in their shoes and imagine if someone did that to you. I almost had a friend die. How can we change the situation that we are in well you can either keep dealing with it or you have to stand up for yourself! You cant let everybody walk all over you're too good for people to be doing that to you. Yes I did cut my self again...What does that make that 9.. ugh this really need to stop.. I cant get out of this stupid depression state. I WANT OUT I FEEL AS IF I AM SUFFOCATING . 
I'm done being there for people who aren't even there for me so why should i give to shits about that. I need someone to save me, help me, SOMETHING... :-/. But i guess as all this is going I'm getting a little bit stronger and if you can get through this you can get through ANYTHING even heart break though it may not seem it at the time life does go on. everything happens for a reason. Maybe to make you realize how perishes your life is. Let you touch many peoples life's.. Or in other hands leave your footprints in the sand, laugh a little, let that reflection looking back at you in  mirror not bother you or even the past you have to move on from what happened then, you can make a new beginning.. 
-Kate P-